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Train Hard: Name That Workout

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‘I am so full of endorphins right now.’

There are many reasons to give your workout a name: some good, some terrible. Crossfitters, for example, give their signature workouts girls’ names so that they can make endless stupid jokes about ‘meeting’, ‘doing’ or ‘hating’ Fran, Linda, Elizabeth, Grace and so on. Gym Jones seem to relish giving their workouts names that complement the mental anguish that’s a hallmark of their training style – Tailpipe, for instance, is so called because it’s supposed to mimic the sensation of sucking on a car exhaust. Rob Shaul of Mountain Athlete seems to name workouts after whatever he’s thought of that morning (Fool Me Once? What?), and Go Primal Fitness simply pick a phrase out of their Big Thesaurus Of Things That Are Supposed To Sound Cool (Kill Or Be Killed, Smash). C- for effort.

Personally, I’m a fan of having a selection of ‘named’ workouts in the bag for two reasons:

a) It motivates me by giving me a benchmark to beat, whether that’s improved time, reps, weight or whatever. To be fair, this is the actual point of Fran and Elizabeth too, but the names still do nothing for me, because…

b) It helps me mentally gear up to train when I otherwise can’t be bothered.

For that reason, I like my workout names to act as sort of mental triggers that immediately inspire a sense of heroic badassery in me, without any additional face-slapping, chalk-eating or other nonsensical pump-up rituals. That’s why my workouts tend to be named after memorable quotes from manly films. Consider:

I can’t feel my legs, Keyser
24 lunges, 24 squats, 12 jumping lunges, 12 jump squats. If that doesn’t ruin you, rest for a minute and do another two rounds. I’ve actually stolen this one from JC Santana, but he calls it Super Legs, and it doesn’t make my legs feel very super. Renamed because it’s guaranteed to leave you slumped on the floor in the style of Keaton from The Usual Suspects when he finally encounters faceless monster Keyser Soze.

See you at the party, Richter
Pick up a couple of dumb-bells that, ideally, total roughly your bodyweight (so I’m 40kg in each hand), then walk with them for a respectable distance (I like 800m) and time it. So called because it feels like it might pull your arms off.

There is no tomorrow
A bunch of 400m sprints – I’d suggest four or five – with 90 seconds of rest in between them. Go for a total time. Named, as if you don’t know, after the most motivational quote of all time, delivered by Carl Weathers in Rocky III. Better if you can wear a vest and gallop through the California surf, but around the block is fine.

There you go: just typing those out makes me want to go and do pull-ups, but I doubt it’s the same for you. So pick your own, and go train.

HOMEWORK: Choose a quote from your favourite badass film, assign it a workout, post it in the comments, and then go do it. Record your score so you can come back to it. And no girls’ names.

About the author

joelsnape

Editor and creator of Live Hard. Fighting enthusiast, steak lover and aficionado of all things self-improvement related.

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